Building Boundaries for a Happier You
What do open doors, well-tended gardens, and clear skies have in common? They all create a sense of ease and clarity. Just like these comforting images, setting boundaries in our lives can make us feel safe, respected, and free to be ourselves.
But what are boundaries, exactly?
Boundaries are personal limits—your "yes" and "no" to what you’re okay with. They help you define what feels safe, comfortable, or healthy in relationships, whether that’s with friends, family, or even yourself. Think of them like a fence around your garden: it keeps the good stuff in and stops the bad stuff from creeping in.
Why are boundaries important?
Not having clear boundaries can leave you feeling drained, overwhelmed, or even resentful. When you set boundaries, you’re telling others what you need to feel safe and respected. It’s not about being mean—it’s about protecting your energy so you can show up as your best self.
In fact, setting boundaries can boost your mental health. It can reduce stress, help you focus on what matters, and give you more confidence to navigate tough situations. It’s a powerful act of self-care.
What does a healthy boundary look like?
Saying "no" to plans when you’re feeling exhausted.
Speaking up if a friend makes a joke that hurts your feelings.
Asking for time to yourself when you need to recharge.
It might feel awkward at first, but boundaries are a way of respecting yourself and your needs.
Tips for Building Boundaries:
Start Small
Begin with one small boundary in a safe relationship. Maybe you’ll ask for some quiet time when you’re studying, or tell a friend you need a little space to process your feelings. Practice makes it easier over time.Use ‘I’ Statements
Instead of blaming or accusing, try this formula:
"I feel [emotion] when [situation]. I need [action]."
Example: "I feel overwhelmed when plans change last minute. I need more notice to prepare."Listen to Your Body
Your body often gives you clues when a boundary is being crossed. Maybe your stomach tightens, your chest feels heavy, or your thoughts start to spiral. Pay attention to those feelings—they’re your intuition nudging you to act.Celebrate Your Wins
Each time you set a boundary, take a moment to notice how it feels. Does your mind feel lighter? Are you more at ease? Recognizing those positive effects can motivate you to keep practicing.Handle Pushback with Confidence
Not everyone will immediately respect your boundaries—and that’s okay. Remember: you’re not responsible for their reaction. Stay calm and stick to your message. Over time, people will adjust to the new, empowered you.
Your Challenge:
This week, identify one situation where you’d like to set a boundary. Write down how you’ll communicate it using the "I feel, when, I need" formula. Then, try it out!
Boundaries are like muscles—the more you use them, the stronger they become. You’ve got this!
